LBGT: Let's Bash Gays Together

               I come in peace I swear, but let's discuss this title and give me a chance to explain. Picture this, we have this female for the sake of the example let's call her Pamela. Pamela grew up in a single parent home, it was a house full of women. Her mother was strong, so she did everything on her own. She raised Pamela and her sibling showing them the true meaning of "Girl Power" and instilled in them a strong sense of independence. Once Pamela got older and starting to experience physical attractions, women always gave her a stronger feeling. However Pamela was raised with very religious grandparents so she always fought with the "your going to hell if your're gay" feeling. So Pamela continued to go a and date guys and be the typical teenager. When Pamela turned 16 she met a guy. Everything a 16 year old ever wanted, he was in college, car, and job and he wanted her. As time progressed the relationship turned bad, so bad that she was raped by him. After years of praying, crying, healing, therapy and soul searching Pamela felt safe again to start dating. By this time she was in adulthood, and she had then grew apart from the religion yet still spiritually grounded, and decided she would fulfill this desire and the hidden love for women. Her first girl experience was just as mind blowing and soul touching as she imagined and she then knew, this is where her happiness lies.

             Now Pamela is at a point in her life where she finally feels comfortable standing in her truth and embrace the fact that she still had a slight attraction to men. Now does that attraction outweigh her attraction to women, nope not by a long shot however, she was willing to explore this attraction just to see if this is what she really wanted. After her first encounter with the opposite sex she was sure, more confident that if she must be labeled she is now bi-sexual. After the many years of her standing firm in her lesbian title, and being open enough to admit she was once a part of the "bash the bi's" club she was now on the other side *insert Adele Hello here*. For a while Pamela battled on who to tell, no one knew about her encounter and how much she enjoyed it because her dear close friends are not only lesbians, but masculine centered lesbians. Her thoughts would consist of, what would they say? Will they stay by my side or leave immediately? Would they now place me in the horrid stigma of bi-sexual women? It ate her up inside so finally she told them. The love and embrace was everything Pamela wanted and needed. Now Pamela knows that the rest of the world may not be so acceptive for many view bi-sexuals as "confused", but she had her those that loved her for her and now Pamela wakes up every morning living her truth.

                        Unlike Pamela not many can say they can wake up and live in their truth, and I believe in the LBGT community the B and the T seem to get shamed the most. This is not just in society but unfortunately within our own community. You would think since the rest of society already outcast and continuously frown upon us that we within the community would be more caring and supportive of our own. Yet on a daily basis whether it social media or even out in public I see my fellow brothers and sisters in the community frowning, and being nasty and derogatory towards our own. Its like the famous William Shakespeare play Julius Caesar, the quote "et tu, Brute" comes to mind. Now to sit and say that some under those 2 letters don't make it easy for the derogatory terms to be allowed is truth. Those that tend to withhold important information such as true gender identity, or not being upfront with where their attraction lies tend to happen often. Right now as I type there is a transgender man/woman who is talking to someone and not telling them their true gender, however that could be with anyone. Its a married man right now telling a single young woman he is "divorced" or "getting a divorce" with absolutely no intention on doing so. It's a female right now telling some single young man that her kids are her nieces and nephews, deception is everywhere. However this can not be a label put on everyone under these letters. There are transgender men/women who let you know up front who you are getting. There are bi-sexual women and men that will tell you upfront I am bi-sexual. There are those who live in their truth DAILY. I don't believe in one person being a representation for all, that asinine. Each are their own individual living comfortably in their own skin and will not be held back by any stigma period!

                         Many may agree and feel "well this is someone's preference why let what others think of them stop them?" Because let's be honest it does affect them some way. To look to at every social media outlet, and television and constantly see the continuous misconceptions being played and discussed affects those who are currently bi-sexual or transgender or would like to come out as bi-sexual or trans mental and emotional state. Speaking on my behalf, it wasn't easy at all. I had hella insecurities and the responses to the many questions that I was about to face. To be honest I didn't have the answers Sway, because I'm still in the learning process. A wise person once said "You learn something new everyday" and that includes yourself.  It was the harsh responses of previous associates that stood in their truth that had me scared. By all means, I have visions and goals and ideas to share with the world and damn it I want to taken seriously. It is a very difficult task when people are adding to the stigma on daily. I mean who's to say this isn't the beginning of a change? Hell what if my blog is the blog that cleared the hatred within our own community so that we may stand stronger in numbers for the real battle which is society. I mean a girl can dream huh? At the end of the day I'm responsible for me and my mark that I leave in the world. Although the hippie part of me wants us the L B G and T to all be standing proudly under that flag, its just not that easy. I know that me myself (Pamela) will definitely play my part in ending the stigma.







SwaggP

"Buzzworthy Cravings, Creatively Satisfied!"

VH-1's Gossip Game's Vivian vs. Steph Lova: Opinion Based On Fact

 

 

VH-1 is no stranger to reality's drama and all its queens and kings. neither is it a stranger to talks about who's transgender or not. If you recall, on VH-1's Love and Hip Hop Atlanta it was rumored that Joseline Hernandez was a transgender woman. Remaining consistant, their newest reality show to grace the airwaves is The Gossip Game, which chronicles the Gossip Bloggers of Hip-Hop. Well into the season, showing on Monday nights, the latest episode has stirred a few feathers of those in the LGBTQ community. In Episode 5, gossip blogger,  Vivian Billings and former colleague, radio personality Steph Lova engage in a heated altercation centering around sexuality....that of Kayden, Vivian's son who is transgender and Steph Lova's possible lesbianism. On the show, Steph Lova publicly announced with intent to harm that Vivian shouldn't be concerned about her sexuality because she (Vivian) has a "daughter" who's a lesbian....This occured after Steph was taunted by Vivian's cousin accusing her wanting to do more than just work with Vivian. Realistically who cares if Steph Lova is a lesbian, hides or hones lesbian tendencies. The fact that she purposely "outed" Kayden on public television without his permission is tacky and forces the public to form an opinion. It doesn't matter the provocation, to bring up something clearly disclosed in confidence and on  much more personal note was such a low blow. In the world of psychology we call that act, deflection. In which a person deviates from the question of or if and place it on someone else that the world possibly doesn't know about, because they could never truly know about them.

As a lesbian who wasn't always sure of self, I can relate to Steph, and its clear that she is more than defensive about the discussion of her being a lesbian. Her act was more than alarming because, it showed her pain, her insecurity, and just how deep her struggle is.

In an interview with NewNowNext, Vivian and her son Kayden spoke candidly about the "outing". Vivian too believes that Steph's reaction is due to her own struggles with sexuality. As society progresses to understand, acknowledge and include the LGBTQ community, homophobia is still very much prevalent in Hip-Hop. Kayden stated on last Monday's episode that he isn't a lesbian, but a

transgender male. He reiterates to NNN that it was no secret but what makes it degrading is that it was announced publicly with the intent to hurt his mother, and he had absolutely nothing to do with Steph's and his mother's disagreement. Sadly in the Black community this type of behavior isn't uncommon. It has its remnants of the crab in the bucket syndrome, but what's deeper is that it comes from a place of hurt and shame. Hurt people, hurt people. It also forces us as a community to delve deeper into a spiritual place and have real, life conversations about issues that are still taboo. The problem is known and seen and its time for resolution.

One of the positives of what was intended for bad is that Steph's disclosure forced Kayden and Vivian to talk openly, publicly, and positively about sexuality. It showed acceptance, attempt, and aspiration to grow. Another positive in the midst of "coming out" is that we are at least talking about it because we see the effects it has on people of color. An underlying issue in the episode is that of Domestic Violence. Kayden referred to memories of seeing his mother beat. That too needs more discussion. Usually, reality shows are merely entertainment and that in and of itself is haunting. Enjoying
someone else's pain just to help us deflect from our own hurts us too. However, I see hope and thus light and life is before us.

"Buzzworthy Cravings, Creatively Satisfied!"

When Reality TV ACTUALLY Forces A Reality Check: Transgendered Breakthroughs- Loving Laverne Cox

When it comes to reality television there's a myriad of opinions, just as there are of anything revealing the ugly truth forcing the sleepwalkers to really look at their pretty lies. This makes people uncomfortable. While the focus here could be on the hate spewed at all things different or "abnormal", its imperative that revolutionary accomplishments be highlighted. After all it is Black History Month and the month of love and us here at Sweet Tooth Media, just LOVE cultural trendsetters.

Browsing through the net looking for the latest in black entertainment and I run across this Huffington Post article on Laverne Cox. Laverne is the first African-American transgender woman to produce and star in her own television show. Getting her start on VH1's I Want To Work For Diddy, she made history being the first African American transgender woman to appear on a reality television. That led to her landing a starring and producing role in the spin off, TRANSform Me. Making her stride in history and on the screen, Laverne has appeared in the independent feature film, Musical Chairs in which she was nominated for the GLAAD Media Award, The Exhibitionists, and two movies not yet released, “36 Saints” and “Grand Street." Laverne guest starred on Law and Order SVU and other television shows. Ms. Cox has been quite the pioneer for LGBTQ representation in television.

So, I find it rather alarming that she hasn't been supported by the very community she is providing a voice for. Laverne states that the Trans community heavily criticized her for her role in TRANSform Me. While she expected from the African American community she didn't from the community in whence she came. This is alarming in the age of the demand for equal rights for all citizens. As a devout and proud member of the LGBTQ community, I don't understand the cry for equality from those outside of the community, when inside of the community we're at such a disarray. Nevertheless, Ms. Cox shifted her focus from the opinion of others to self-love and acceptance. Reminding us all that our journey belongs to us and only us, anyone else is lucky enough to catch a ride. This re-routing of energy has led to various other opportunities for Ms. Cox and I'm more than interested to see the rest of her work with the world.


Photos Courtesy of www.LaverneCox.com

"Buzzworthy Cravings, Creatively Satisfied!"